This is the perfect thing to serve to your kids on Christmas to help tell the story of Jesus’s birth. Then later you can tell them you are getting a divorce, you’re giving the dog away and all four of their grandparents are dead. Fuck you, kids.
happy mothers day to all of the mums in the world and i have been spoiling my mum rotten so much already today and when it was in the morning time i woke my mum up by giving her a lovely relaxing all over body massage when she was in her bed and i blind folded her as well for a more surprising mothers day effect and she couldnt even believe it and she kept on saying what is happening what is happening and i just kept on saying for her to not say a single word because it is her special day that is happening that is what and then i told her to stay on her bed because i had a delicious mothers day treat for her to have to eat and i wrapped quite a lot of my hair in some bread and then i tied some ham around it so that it looked a bit like my face and when my mum was eating it she had a tiny bit of a choke on my hair and her face and the top of her neck went a lovely dark purply mothers day colour and now i am just having a sit down at the front bit of the hospital because the doctor said to me that my mum will be coming out really soon because they have managed to get most of my hair out of her lungs and she is in a stable condition and i cant even wait for her to come out because i have still got so much more mothers day surprises for her to have and remember that mums are the creatures that hold the world together and if it wasnt for your mum then you probably wouldnt have ever even been born. Chris (Simpsons artist) xox
Love my mum too.
“And then one day after being fucked up for months I realised something: I didn’t know her. She didn’t know me. Just because I tasted her cum and spit or could tell you her middle name or knew what record she liked, that doesn’t mean anything, that’s not a connection, anyone can have that. Really knowing someone is something else. It’s a completely different thing. And when it happens you wont be able to miss it, you will be aware. And you wont hurt or be afraid. Okay?”